One of my best friends, Liz, has a quote on her wall saying “Do not wait for the storm to pass, instead learn to dance in the rain”
It’s a concept that I love – and my husband and I have talked about it over and over across the last months. But I have been struggling with it too; constantly asking myself whether this level of acceptance is giving up on the goal of getting better. Like so many aspects of recovery, I have had lengthy internal debates about it and not reached any clear conclusion. Then this week I came across this very impactful TED talk from the amazing New York Times writer Suleika Jaouad; it has given me another perspective and perhaps helped me to slay a dragon and move forward some more.
It is a talk that applies to everyone – not just those struggling with injury or illness. Do watch it for yourself here (just 17 minutes of beautiful and impactful viewing): https://www.ted.com/talks/suleika_jaouad_what_almost_dying_taught_me_about_living
Living well ‘in the middle’
She challenges us to think again. Her premise that the separation between being sick and being well is not the simple, binary divide that we often paint it as. But that the border is porous. And that with the increased life expectancy of today, most of us will spend much of our lives travelling back and forth between the situations of being sick and being well, and living at least some of the time in the middle.
She finishes with the powerful thought that every single one of us will have our life interrupted… by something that brings us to the floor. We need to find ways to live in that in-between place managing whatever body and mind we currently have.
Powerful thoughts for ‘in-betweeners’
There were a number of themes that struck me as very powerful. But a few stuck out:
- The power of connection and shared experiences – her example of the prisoners in solitary confinement calling out their moves for the board games that they had made out of torn pieces of paper. It made me realise that the shame and inadequacy that we feel about not getting better and not keeping up is a dark shadow that we can (and need to) chase out with the bright light of friendships and fun.
- The importance of dreaming big on plans for the future – her example was the girl in Florida who plans someday to go camping in spite of her fear of bugs. When the whole world seems to be turned on its head, all dreams evaporate in the face of survival. But holding on to some things and keeping dreaming about them, and knowing that one day you will do them is a shining ever-present beacon of hope.
- The importance of taking the risk of opening up to new things – her example was the retired art history Professor in Ohio living through a lifetime of constant pain and disability, who in spite of all of the uncertainty of his health got married, had Grandchildren, taught, and danced with his wife every week. In spite of a situation that could have gripped him with constant fear and worry, he found meaning and built a beautiful life encapsulated in love.
Thank you Suleika for sharing your wisdom. And here is to learning to dance in the rain, through the different stages of the storm – in the eye of the storm, in the pouring rain and on the days where the thunder & lightening start to recede.